From man to elephant, by way of shrew, goat, cats, and dogs, mammals have a natural propensity to booze, as soon as booze finds a way in via a fermented bunch of grapes from a wild vine. But we are forgetting the wily minds of our feathered friends. The crow is known to have an IQ close to that of a human when it comes to inventing a nutcracker at the side of a B-road, and we are familiar with the baleful glare of the owl, the criminal cunning of the magpie. But we wish to flag up in particular the strange ability of the parrot to mimic the human gullet. A wily cockatoo can teach you to hold your alcohol better than you can hold your tongue. From that to the said cockatoo, blind drunk, pecking and clawing its mate and babies is only as far, as the parrot flies, as the distance between two cans of beer.
So, be on your guard against this dangerous feathered beast: tomorrow, arriving home from a long day at work, you will see him sitting on your leather sofa, drinking your wine, smoking your cigars, and protest and indignation will do you no good: you have been warned.
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